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© 2017 by Emily Bierbrauer  |  Photography by Emily Bierbrauer unless otherwise noted. Credit to Alameda Photography & Film.

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What Is Your Why?

July 7, 2018

 

Hey girl, what is your purpose?

 

Before my dad passed, I took an extended break from training daily. I made up a ton of excuses from “diet matters more” to “I’m fine the way I am” to “working out is really boring”... I thought doing a few weight lifting sessions here and there could help maintain my figure along with a semi-strict diet. It’s as though I aimlessly went about each day not knowing what to do or what I wanted.

 

When my dad passed I remember thinking, “I will never be able to workout again”, but over time it turned from that to, “this is the only thing that’s going to see me through.” I‘ve had to sit, with no cell phone in hand or tv flicked on, in my emotion and feel every single wave. I have wrestled, I still wrestle, with my why and my purpose, but it’s all coming full circle. I used to feel so aimless, I used to lack such vigor for my own training and yet I was supposedly a fitness trainer?!

 

From lost, to more lost, to purpose seeing me through.

 

I don’t wake up every day thrilled to train. In fact, my body aches so badly that most days I’d love to skip, BUT I know deep down that fitness is what’s actually saving me.

 

Each time, I tip my hat to my dad. I thank God that I am here right now, feeling everything so keenly, able-bodied, working my ass off so that when I go to the doctor, my heart is the last issue any of us are worried about. I do it for better sleep at night, calm thoughts, happiness, pride in accomplishment. I lose my breath now so that I don’t lose it for good prematurely.

 

I want to feel every moment, I want to be alive during this process, intentional with each exercise, knowing that it is my choice to experience this. I’m done looking at the end destination. It doesn’t exist because it’s what’s going into each and every day that’s the substance that’s going to stick.

 

So... What’s your why?

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